Gizeroon: Dear Marc Anthony

Que Paso, ya big Latin ho-bag! How is it hanging? To be more to the point, where are you NOT hanging it?

HIS HAT!!! People get your mind out of the gutters.

It seems that you've been called out as the driving force behind not only your divorce to Jennifer Lopez, but of Will Smith's and Jada Pinkett's also. This is what I heard and stop me if I get anything out of place, OK? OK.

Does this look like a good reason to cheat on your husband?

Scuttlebutt says you were found by Will Smith himself, at his home alone with Jada in a non "friend" kind of way. Will supposedly ran out crying leaving you two alone again. I'm not sure the date of this but your affection for "Miss. Purty" is what J-Lo left your ugly ass for. That wiener must be magical boy! Really it's no surprise that a male acts this way. Even if your dipping in the finest piece ever, you still will get tired off it and want the next piece, not that Jennifer Lopez is the finest piece ever by the way, just making a point. Will Smith is probably just emotional because he thought you were into him.

Maybe Jeff will take him back. Why those two never stuck together is beyond me.

To be fair your alleged statement is that you were over to either borrow or watch a DVD. Which makes you seem retarded. "I'm going to watch a DVD with a married woman" is code for "bang her". Everybody knows that. If it by some miracle was on the level and you did want to watch a DVD, don't you have money. Go buy the goddamn thing yourself and stay out of OPP! Stimulate the economy and not tiny little women's privies! or why didn't you two watch it on the set of the show you both work on and where your coworkers are allegedly claiming that Jada was demanding extra love scenes with your character? But it all seems innocent though because coworkers never fall for each other and screw, do they?

I don't have the slightest friggin' clue if any of this is true but a rumor always has a kernel of truth in it, every time. Where there's smoke and all that, you know. I hope it is. It makes good conversation and drama. Better than any movie any of you have been in except the first Men In Black.

Whatever or whoever you end up with keep that "perrito caliente" in one place. You're lucky anybody sleeps with you with that mug.