Dear Jersey Shore Fans

Just to be clear; this is about the television show that I've never seen, not the tourist destination.

The cast of the Jersey Shore...before MTV

I am coming at this particular show with no solid facts whatsoever except for three things, as follows:

 1. There is a chubby, not so attractive and very tanned young lady named "Snooki".

 2. There is a extremely in shape and handsome, but very stupid young man named "The Situation".

 3. Some girl pissed behind a bar in an advertisement for an episode once.

" The Situation"

That is my "Jersey Shore", (hereafter JS for the most part, so I don't have to keep putting up quotes), knowledge, as far as I can honestly remember. I've seen the different characters of the show in commercials and special appearances and I am aware that there is a group of six or seven that the series rotates around. I've seen a large fellow in commercials for some healthy smealthy weight lifting product and The Situation bombed fiercely roasting someone that I can't remember on Comedy Central. I will say this; I've picked up what I think could be facts about the JS in conversations and scanning over entertainment news. I just know 100% that the three things up there are true.

He really likes his belt buckle

What I would like to know is what it is that these people actually do that draws so many viewers? Are they rich? Are they humorous people or so stupid that their actions are humorous? Are there any good looking girls on the show? What the hell does Snooki mean? Are they ever sober?

So many questions that I really think about when I hear about the new season or a cast member is appearing on a talk show, but I can not shake the thought that permeates my underdeveloped noodle brain, that they are all drunken idiots. I honestly hate Snookie and Situation for no reason other than the fact that it feels right. Like I'm supposed to be put off by there mere mention. I don't know if I'm off base or home running here, but stick with me through one more point.

Snooki. Snooki looks like Artie Lange with a wig. Snooki looks like a bridge troll. Snooki is so freaking plain to me! But I KNOW for certain that she has a male following and that they all want to sex her up and see the latest pics of her and  that they dream about her while they practice their Harry Potter petrify spells on their meat wands. This validates my thinking that if someone is put in your face often enough and you are told that they are a celebrity, that it somehow changes the chemical balance in your head and you start to think that ugly or uglier people are pretty. Since I have not been inundated with Snooki waves like a lot of people my age, I don't think she is worth the thought of being a young sex symbol, but clearly I am in a minority on the subject. To prove this just a little bit more think about, Nicole Richie, Sarah Jessica Parker, then two Jonas brothers that aren't Joe. Hideousness!

Giving any woman a chance to be a sex symbol

I want to know if people love this show for the content or because it was on MTV and supposed to be loved? It's a vicious circle I'll never get any solid answers from. Oh well that's all I've got on the subject unless they do something really remarkable and I write about them again. I've got to go any way because I've got a Situation brewing and I need to go take a Snooki.

Gizeroon
Facebook.com/gizeroon