Gizeroon: Dear ASPCA

Stop it right now! You are ruining Television for me and I can only imagine millions of others. My DVR is the only thing making your horrible 3 hour long commercials tolerable at all. I don't think I have to say which commercial I am speaking of but since I am writing a blog and need words, I will.

I would not rescue an animal from your services if MY life depended on it. If you want to torture prisoners of war, stop water-boarding and make them watch your commercial with that "Arms of An Angel" singer two or three times and I bet they'll give up Hoffa's body, JFK's shooter, Rosie O' Donnell's bikini waxer and Sheen's dealer all at once! This commercial campaign is, without hesitation on my part, the worst commercial campaign I have ever endured. I know it sounds like middle class white America problems but if I am going to watch T.V., can it not be pleasant?

Even this nice lady hates it.

The singer who you chose to inundate us with every ten minutes during our programs is not a terrible singer but that song is! Don't get me wrong I know who you are aiming these things at. The old lady who loves "her" music already and has fifty-four cats, all with real people names or the lonely emotional midnight basket case who will hear themselves in "that" song and identify with rescuing a living entity from almost hopelessness at the last moment. But I think you also have a message for us more stable and non-retarded viewers hidden in there too. I think that your real intention is to say that you will make these poor animals listen to this song for the rest of their lives unless we pull them from the ear-bleeding noise hole you have them jailed in! It's brilliantly evil!

"Please save me from theses animal lovers!"

I was going to mention the singer's name but then I thought that "why give this lady another plug", even in my unseen, insignificant blog. But then I thought "maybe it will bring a little traffic off those stupid commercials of yours so", Sarah McLachlan. There. If it works, I'll take everything back. Deal? Deal.

I will say this, people who want animals know how to get them, so you must be trying to make money or a name for yourself (so you can make money later), or you wouldn't be doing these things. Don't guilt people into getting an animal because then they'll regret the decision later and if you really love animals you wouldn't want that, would you? Besides there is only one person you really should get to do your commercials and animals would be busting out of the pen with the quickness to get to the real "Dogg Pound".